The Mental Musings of a Sophisticated Bastard


Is that ice in your undies or are just happy to see me?

June 19, 2018 Michael Gaines

Is that ice in your undies or are just happy to see me?

Yankees like to make fun of how we Southerners are "slow."  We speak slowly, walk slowly & are slow to adapt new things.  Well Darlin' have you ever spent a summer in the South??? From May till October, with temps above 95 & approx. 167% humidity, there is NO reason to get in a hurry, it can be fatal!  if you don't believe me, traipse your Yankee ass into a sauna, do some aerobics & recite Shakespeare then get into a parked car with an interior temp just shy of lava and let's see how fast you are, Bubba!  (Helpful...


Single People Awareness Day

February 14, 2018 Michael Gaines

Single People Awareness Day

As we celebrate “Single People Awareness Day”, let’s not be bitter or think about ex’s . (Instead of ‘ex’, I prefer to think of them as future speed-bumps). Be proactive, buy yourself that $900 dozen roses, $200 box of chocolate, over priced dinner, jewelry & some sexy clothes...or wait till tomorrow when it is all 70% off!!!! Seriously though, love isn’t about a few grand gestures one day a year. It is all the little things someone does for you (or you do for yourself) everyday. Think about the coffee that is already made when you get up, the car...


'Plus Size' only means 'more fabulous' #beautybeyondsize

January 24, 2018 Michael Gaines

'Plus Size' only means 'more fabulous' #beautybeyondsize

Last night at a social event, being the avid people watcher & bit of an eavesdropper, I overheard two women speaking how "fat" they are.  Neither woman was fat in the least, both had natural curves & were, perhaps, a size 8. All I could think of was how sad they don't appreciate themselves.  Fast forward to this morning, office TV playing while I handle some paperwork, "plus size"  model Ashley Graham is on the Today Show.  She stated something that resonated, her daily affirmation is "I am bold, I am brilliant, I am beautiful" and "#beautybeyondsize"  I do so...


96 Years young!

January 17, 2018 Michael Gaines

96 Years young!

Betty White is a National Treasure!  I have tons of attitude, bring on the vodka & I will live forever!


Can mimosas count as a juice cleanse???

January 15, 2018 Michael Gaines

Can mimosas count as a juice cleanse???

Just saw something about doing a "juice cleanse" that brought back some memories.  A former boyfriend suggested we do a juice cleanse.  My response was "Mimosas, sure thing!"  Not what he meant, thou he finally talked me into trying this (translation: bugged the shit out me till I did).  He stated "you'll lose 10lbs in a week!"  Yeah big deal,  that's like throwing a couple deck chairs off the Titanic.  It was doomed from the start as only "green" things I like are money & emeralds. After buying all the components, my comment pointing out it would have been cheaper...