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The only breast that should touch your plate is turkey

April 29, 2016 Michael Gaines

T’was the night before Thanksgiving and am eating excess pecan pie filling and watching "Gone With the Wind" on AMC. Brings back so many memories from when I was a kid. And no, they are not memories of wearing hoopskirts

The interplay between Rhett and Scarlett is one for the ages add that to the scenery, the drama, the lighting, the acting, and the costumes. None of it done with the computer animation! Why, fiddle dee dee I may just swoon!

Speaking of the costumes, one scene especially drives home yesterdays blog* and how much things have changed.

In the Twelve Oaks barbeque scene, the ladies remove their dresses to nap. Even without dresses and hoops they are far from uncovered. First you have a chimise (a combo slip & camisole) then a boned corset, a corset cover, a garter belt, silk stockings, stocking ties and at last ruffled pantalets that go all way to the calf. One interesting note, the pantalets were crotchless! No, they weren’t being slutty in crotchless panties, but it was the only way to go to the bathroom in those big skirts! Hell there was more fabric in just one outfit there is in most people’s entire wardrobe today.

The men of the day had it a little easier. Tail coats, an over-shirt, either a cravat or an ascot (forerunner of the modern necktie), tight fitting breeches and tall boots. ( I LOVE the boots!) All of this was worn over knee or ankle length underpants (called “drawers”), an undershirt and wool socks. Like today, men’s undergarments did not “suck in, smooth out, or push up” the body like a woman’s did.

Can you imagine wearing all this in our long, hot, humid Southern summers??? No wonder fainting was common. (Side note for those that do not speak “Southern”: “having the vapors,” does not mean feeling faint. It means one needs to fart!)

Yes all this was a bit excessive, but damn, it proved the value of foundation garments. You can't build a house without a foundation and you can't build an outfit without one either! Just ask the creator of Spanx, foundation garments have made her a billionaire! BTW Spanx does have a men’s line.

In conclusion, no matter how much turkey and pecan pie you plan to eat on Thanksgiving, put on your bra. The only breast that should touch your plate is turkey. Extra points if you add a Spanx and be damn thankful that is all you really need today!




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