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Coming out of the closet

April 29, 2016 Michael Gaines

The first frost has come, the season is changing and it is time for me to come clean. After days of agonizing & soul searching hard decisions it is time to come out of the closet!

No, not that "closet", that door shot off decades ago. I am referring to my assorted clothes closets. Time to clean up, edit, pair down and bring fall clothes to the front. I am normally religious about doing this 2x year but the last couple years have been busy. Attacking this, I am going back to my rule, if I haven't worn it in a year, it's outta here

That has led to a tsunami of textiles. Linen, denim, cashmere, flannel, silk, cotton, stripes, plaids, paisley, checks, and camouflage (yes, I am a Renaissance Redneck). Oh look, here's an ugly shirt with the tags still on it, I dig deeper and find the same damn shirt again (also with tags). When did I buy it, why the hell did I buy it...and to do it TWICE??? Don't drink and shop!

Then there is the leather closet - pants, chaps, breeches, shirts, shorts, assorted uniforms, gladiator kilt (Russel Crowe meets the Sta-puff marshmallow man), a leather opera cape (everyone needs one!) and more esoteric items we won't go into. Enough cowhide to slip cover Wyoming, over half of it I now couldn't get into without lipo, the jaws of life, AND a vat of crisco.

Enough boots to costume all the actors in every western, biker, equestrian, military and blue collar movie ever made! Oh look, 2 pair of firemen's boots (don't ask!)
Multiples of loafers, driving mocs, tennis shoes, deck shoes and tuxedo pumps (yes they are called pumps and have nothing to do with high heels.) and even a pair of red Pradas like the pope. Just call me Pope Fabulous the first.

Off to the shelter it all goes so if you see homeless men in Prada or looking like an extra from a 50 Shades of Gray sequel you know where it came from!

 



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