September 16, 2017 Michael Gaines

Grocery shopping can be an interesting study in (semi) human behavior. In the check-out with a few things for supper, there is a not so young “lady”...or maybe she was young but just “rode hard put up wet” as we say down here. Frizzy bleached blonde (brassy as an old door knob), 3 inch dark roots, short shorts, tube top (Do they still sell these???) over a belly almost as big as mine, slouched posture, and unlit yet partially smoked cigarette in her hand. To borrow a line from Steel Magnolias "the nicest thing I can say about her is all her tattoos were spelled right”

Just as I am mentally chastising myself for being so judgmental, her card is declined. Instead of saying “opps, I will be back later” she lays into the poor cashier like no tomorrow! With a vocabulary lacking variety but strong on vehemence & vulgarity while demanding she be allowed to take the beer & come back later to pay. Yeah right sweetheart!

The young cashier looks terrified, so I state it's not the cashier's fault and she can't help with a declined card. At that point the invective is directed toward me. I smile sweetly and state “ Honey, 'dignity' here have some, it's free”. At that point store security is heading our way, she tells me the ever so original “fuck you” to which I respond “Not even on your birthday with a hazmat suit” as she stomps off promptly tripping over her platform shoes. Three checkout lines burst into applause as she splattered on the tile. God bless karma!

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